just another rant from the weird me on the gravestone of my past life :)
i wonder why i keep visiting this gravestone :p
i'm not sure what happens.. i didn't really want it from the start.. i think of it as a burden from the start :) but when it's lifted from me, i'm now trying to find a logical reason of it being lifted away from me.. i look for it.. i can't find it..
i knew what went wrong.. i'm just too serious, unfun, and maybe a little bit hard headed.. i don't really take advice unless anyone could justify me logically, i expected someone to live up to whatever he or she's saying.. every word should be in harmony with every action.. and i expected them to live up to their position and title too.. i expect people to do what needs to be done.. and a lot more..
i was faced with the choice of letting something go ashtray (at least now it's not proven yet and it's still in the state of my mind) or me taking a burden, a responsibility... i chose the later.. and end up, after a talk n consideration of everyone, the chose to let it go ashtray..
i still can't find any logical reasons.. i can't find any logical explanation.. for an important leadership post, why is fun valued a lot more than someone strict? why is a shock therapy valued more than a long way of preparation? sadly but maybe true, does a hate towards someone prevent you to do what needs to be done if u want a reformation? something that makes it even sadder is that, why isn't there anyone who pointed these out? heard there's one or maybe more.. not sure.. but it seems that, i'm not really worth to be defended.. i'm not really valued as capable.. i'm not really wanted after all :)
i'm just so different.. i'm just so out of the league :)
i'm just me :)